Life with an eating disorder has not been easy. It has been a long and
winding road full of obstacles, speed bumps, and brief times of clear
sailing. I have spent countless hours sitting across from dozens of
counselors and doctors, discussing life as it is in the moment. I have
lived under the abusive control of my eating disorder. I have known
the sweet taste of recovery. More often than not, I have experienced
the bittersweet reality of living on the fence of ambivalence.
Sometimes I think I should be farther along in my progress. But these unrealistic expectations and “shoulds” often set me back more than help me move forward. All that is to say that I am right where I am supposed to be; right here, right now. While even this is often easier said than done, the important thing to remember is that it can be done. And with constant persistence and support, it will be done. So I will continue to fight.
I will eat my next meal. I will turn to my list of healthy coping skills to get through the challenging times and difficult thoughts. And I will lean on my friends and family for love and support. Whether I believe it or not in the moment, I will at least acknowledge and hear them when they remind me that I am Nichole. I am not my eating disorder. I am important, and I have a story worth living and sharing.
And so do you. You are the sum of your successes, failures, pain, joy, past, present, and future — not just one of these things, but all of them added together. They are what make you special and unique. They are what make you you. Whether or not you can relate to what it is like to struggle with an eating disorder, I encourage you to treat yourself with at least one form of self-care today. Set aside twenty minutes to journal. Go for a walk to clear your mind. Listen to music. Play a video game with a friend. Learn something new. Self-care is vital, yet it is often pushed aside. But making time for it is worth it. This battle is worth fighting. Your life is worth living.